My life is far from perfect. In fact, by mainstream society's standards, it might seem like a bit of a mess.
I'm 42 years old and I don't have a 'career' to speak of. I don't own my own home. I don't have any savings or investments. I'm not married. I don't even know where I'll be living 2 months from now. This could easily be perceived as horrifying by many.
But I truly love my life!
I love that I genuinely enjoy the work that I do. I love that I know exactly who I am and what I have to offer the world. I love that I have raised two incredible boys who have grown into wonderful young men. I love that I have an amazing community of friends who value, respect, and support me in my dreams and aspirations. I love that I have a healthy, nourishing relationship with my immediate family. I love that I have experienced the profound growth that comes with a 12 year partnership and that we've managed to maintain a beautiful friendship even through our separation. Most of all, I love that I have created a life for myself that I find deeply fulfilling.
I genuinely feel blessed.
And yet, from a different perspective, through different eyes, my life could look like a total disaster.
Partly because the only sense of security I have is my blind faith in the magic and mystery of the universe, a deep Trust in something completely intangible.
This wasn't always the case. I spent the majority of my adult life feeling stressed–out about money or the lack thereof, overwhelmed with the seemingly futile attempts to make ends meet, bitter about my lack of freedom, envious of those that were born into privilege (equating privilege with money, not recognizing the incredible value of being raised in a loving household), frustrated with my lack of clarity around my purpose, and totally exhausted from all the effort I exerted to get... nowhere.
Trust and I, have taken a long time to find each other.
So what shifted to bring this new found Trust into my life?
There wasn't a specific moment when everything changed, it was more like an endless stream of moments that unfolded over time, and eventually led me towards a surprising peace and deep contentment.
Thank you, Trust, for hangin' in there while I found my way to you.
That isn't to say that I haven't felt this deep sense of contentment before, it has shown up plenty throughout my life. There have been some glorious highs peppered throughout the intermittent struggles but there was always a sense of urgency attached to everything, which seemed to be the driving force of my life. From birth.
Along with that sense of urgency came an unsettling anxiety and deep unconscious fear that everything would collapse around me if I didn't keep pushing forward.
I navigated my life like it was a race. I learned to walk at nine months old, was speaking in sentences by a year, started school when I was three and graduated at 16, went straight to university, dropped out before my 17th birthday, got pregnant at 19... etc. The race was definitely on but where the heck was I running? And why?!
As far as I could tell I was chasing freedom, and mostly because it seemed like my life depended on it.
But somewhere along the way I developed the notion that to be free required money, lots of it.
Society wholeheartedly supports the notion that freedom can only be attained with a substantial income, gotta keep that capitalistic wheel turning. I bought into that idea, hook, line, and sinker.
Which presented me with a paradox I couldn't resolve - in order to be free I had to earn money, and in order to earn money I had to sacrifice my freedom for a job that would suck the life right out of me.
Therein lies the root of so much misery, for so many people.
The truth is that freedom is all in the mind – perspective, baby.
It wasn't until my boys were in their teens that I felt like I could truly let go of those safe, secure, soul sucking 'jobs' and start exploring what my life would look like if I gave myself permission to just do work that I loved.
And let me tell you, once you make that shift, there is no turning back. Being broke doesn't seem nearly as painful when you are too busy enjoying the individual moments that make up your day.
Once again, perspective.
Shockingly, the world continued to rotate on its axis, and I did not cease to exist just because I had no money in the bank. Nor did I end up on the streets, destitute.
Instead, opportunities started to present themselves, as if by magic, encouraging me to step into my authenticity even more. The seeds of Trust were being planted every time I moved in the direction of my soul's yearning, and with each new opportunity my Trust would grow a little more.
And the more I leaned into Trust, miraculously, that urgent, anxious sensation would dissolve a little. Until one day, I noticed that I felt completely different, I was graced with this lovely sensation of peace and reverence for the simplicity of my life, the poetry of it all, and the magic with which it came to be.
I get that this life, my life, wouldn't appeal to everyone but choosing a perspective loaded with appreciation is a sure fire way to feel more joy and fulfillment. Regardless of your starting point or your desired end result.
So my question is this, is your perspective serving you? And if not, what will it take to change it.
You can gauge whether or not your perspective is serving you based on how happy you are with your life.
Change your perspective and watch with amazement as your outer life shifts to line up with your inner perspective.
With Trust comes magic.
Or in Maya Angelou's words, "rainbows".
May you all be blessed with many rainbows.