Learning to Trust the Timing of My Life
My current abode has very little storage, like nada. So even though I consider myself a minimalist, I still have things like; Christmas decorations (I love a well decorated Christmas tree), off–season tires, art and art supplies, a snowboard, photo albums from the 90's, old journals... etc. So unless I want to make a temporary bed frame out of my off–season tires or keep the house in full–blown Christmas mode all year round, I have to store that stuff somewhere.
Which is why I have a storage locker. A couple of days ago while dropping off some stuff at my storage locker I ended up falling into a box of old journals.
I've been keeping journals for as long as I can remember but I rarely look back on them, mostly because I find it embarrassing to read over my life. But on this particular day, I guess I was feeling a bit nostalgic, I glanced through a few and rather than feeling embarrassed I ended up awestruck.
For the first time in my life, I could see the connection between all the random events that had transpired throughout my life. Events that felt like minor catastrophes at the time suddenly made sense, they were actually essential steps, building blocks, leading me towards my deepest desires. And dreams that felt unattainable 10 years ago, by a long shot, have recently materialized and I barely even took a moment to acknowledge them when they happened.
Who knew that getting laid off from two separate jobs in one year, ripping any sense of security from my grasp, was exactly what I needed to finally step into a life of my own making. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you're thrown into the fire of your fears.
My life had been unfolding perfectly, I just didn't realize it!
We've all heard the cliché, "everything happens at the right time", or something along those lines. But until you experience it, until you SEE the perfect unfolding of your life, that phrase feels akin to the belief that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck. It just feels desperate and hollow.
Even so, I always tried to trust the timing of my life but I mostly felt impatient, frustrated that my dreams weren't unfolding faster. Stepping into my fourth decade has given me some much–needed perspective, it has allowed me to see the big picture of my life in a whole new way. Reading through those journals certainly helped. Thank god for cold hard evidence!
Had I not documented those wishes, dreams, goals and fantasies in my journals, I honestly would've forgotten that I imagined them for myself at all. I've spent so much of my life just trying to catch up with what was happening; keeping up with the house, preparing meals, transporting kids to and fro, earning a living, maintaining meaningful relationships... it felt like a sink or swim scenario, and I was swimming my butt off.
I rarely paused to acknowledge my accomplishments. And most of the really big events in my life were not consciously created by me.
It wasn't until my good friend Donnie, who was revelling at how much had transpired for in me in the past two years, asked me point blank if I had taken stock. What a gift that was. I hadn't taken stock at all, and when I did, it kinda blew my mind to see how much magic I had actually manifested for myself in just a few short years. The flood of gratitude that washed over me and stayed with me for weeks afterwards just continued to bring in more magic. Thanks, Donnie!
My life has always been wildly changeable, which has made it a little harder to keep track of. Had I gotten married, settled down, raised my kids in one town, stuck with one, two, or even three jobs, the arc would be pretty straightforward. But that has not been my life. At all.
I move around a lot. I change residences, cities, provinces, sometimes countries, I usually burnout on 'jobs' pretty quickly, four years being the longest I stuck with one employer. I'm an entrepreneur at heart, always wanting to carve my own path, always coming up with new ideas, always pushing forward towards the next big vision.
I love to travel, I love to dream, I love to start over.
My first distinct memory of starting over was when I went to a new school in grade four. It was a french school and I didn't speak french at the time. Well, I could count to 10 and say hello and goodbye but that was it. That barely fazed me, I was so excited to have a clean slate, to get to be an entirely new version of myself that learning a new language seemed like a cakewalk.
I did manage to learn french that year, nothing like the malleable mind of an 8 year old to pick up a new language quick! And I met my very first best friend, Genna, who I am still friends with today. Which branded me with the belief that good things come with change.
And change it up I did. I went to four more schools over the next 8 years, until I graduated from high school. But it didn't stop there.
Basically, if I had to draw a map of my life, before my recent insight at the storage locker, it would be the windiest road imaginable, veering completely off the page at times. But after skimming through two decades worth of journals, I could see a perfectly straight line. I could finally connect the dots between all the events in my life and it actually made sense.
It definitely took a lot longer to get to where I'm at now than I would've liked. And it would have been a lot easier to be patient if I had had a bit more faith and a whole lot more TRUST.
But now that I'm here, and it's exactly where I've wanted to be for so many years, I can't help but overflow with enthusiasm for what's to come next.
We are always striving for more, that is just human nature. What's on your more list? My list is huge! More travel, more learning, more connections, more insights, more opportunities for growth, more heartfelt experiences... but at the same time, I am sitting in the contentment of knowing that everything will come when I am perfectly ready for it, which allows me to surrender to the perfection of this very moment.
I feel as though I have finally embodied the belief that everything is always unfolding perfectly. Which feels totally liberating!
Even when it seems like you have just been dealt the shittiest hand, you are actually getting re-directed towards the life you truly want.
But don't just take my word for it. Test it out. Find your concrete evidence. If you haven't kept journals and your memory is as crappy as mine, ask around. Ask your parents, siblings, long–time friends, ask them what they thought you would end up doing with your life and what they hoped to see for your future. Does it line–up with the events that have already transpired? Does it line–up with what you want for yourself? If not, now's the time to make adjustments. To throw another great cliché at you, there is no time like the present.
If you knew, without a doubt, that the life you are living right now is exactly where you need to be to get to the next step, how would you feel?
If that thought doesn't feel good, if you aren't happy with your now, then that discomfort is exactly the push you need to take action and make the change(s) necessary to get to a better feeling place within your life. Make sense? Discomfort is just your inner being trying to move you in another direction, towards greater joy and fulfillment.
So just take action! One small step today, in the direction of where you want to be could be all that is needed for a whopping miracle to show up in your life. Trust me. Remember I have concrete evidence, this shit works, we are all the designers of our lives!
But if you feel good with where you're at and how your life is unfolding than just keep that momentum going! And remember to take stock! Fill up with gratitude for all that is good in your life so that it can continue to flow with ease.
Trusting the timing of your life is not only liberating, it actually opens doors for more miracles to show–up. Freedom and miracles, not a bad pay–off for a little trust.